Olympics News and Info

Synchronized ‘Homies’ and Other Fun Memories From an Olympic Insomniac

Filed under: Beijing, China, USA, Attractive Olympians

China's Liu Xiang retires, entire red-wigged nation cries ... For the first time in a while, we witnessed how much one athlete can mean to an entire nation. While American media coverage was saturated with the Phelps Fest and the splice of America's Sweethearts, Shawn Johnson and Nastia Liukin, I found it much more fascinating to scan through the countless images of China's citizens bawling their eyes out because Xiang Liu couldn't run the men's 110-meter hurdles at the "Bird's Nest." This man represented the hope of an entire nation, but only in track and field. It's not like he was their only shot at a gold medal in Beijing (heck, they won 51 of them).

It got me thinking -- how many people in America would shed tears if Phelps pulled up lame in one of his heats, and coudn't race towards any of his eight golds? Entirely different scenarios, yes, because the US is known for dominant swimmers while Liu was China's chance to make an impact in largely unchartered territory. But I'm not sure we have one athlete that single-handedly carries the pride of our nation on his or her shoulders.

Don't ever cross a Cuban taekwondo athlete, unless you want to lose teeth ... Look, we all know taekwondo judging was on the crooked side, but that doesn't justify going brainsick and belting a judge. Cuba's Angel Matos definitely won the nomination for "Olympian Most Likely to Wind Up in a Nuthouse" when he delivered a kick reminiscent of 'Bloodsport' to the face of match referee Chakir Chelbat. Still, how many people can say they're the subject of 100 slide-by-slide YouTubes? One. That's our good friend, Jose Offerman. Oh, and Castro will defend you, for whatever that's worth.


Jamaicans know how to have a good time ... For all the terrific performances by Bolt, Veronica Campbell-Brown and Shelly-Ann Fraser, the sad fact is that many Americans watching at home are going to come away with one thing ... they sure know how to rub it in. Bolt was even criticized by IOC prez Jacques Rogge for reveling too early in his 100-meter finish. But what about Fraser? She seemingly paraded down the track about five times as long as it took to win her 100-meter gold, even rolling around with the flag at one point. For me, the showboating won't tarnish her performance, but I did find myself saying "all right, enough already" -- and I would have still said it even if it was an American rejoicing.

George Bush knows how to have an AWESOME time ... If there was anyone on this planet who could show the Jamaicans a thing or two about the right way to party, it's definitely G.W. If you missed his hysterical jaunt to Beijing, don't fret. You can relive the power of the Bush in this gallery here. Just beware the 'chalk' pranks and volleyball butt slaps.

Paraguay's Leryn Franco didn't win a medal, but won our hearts ... In all the 'Attractive Olympian' posts we ran in FanHouse, there's wasn't one mention of this mysterious javelin beauty -- a massive oversight, to say the least. Thanks to Fourth-Place Medal for cracking the mystery and discovering her identity. To amend for not featuring her earlier, here's a gallery to make your heart sing for Paraguay. Viva la Franco!


Spain's synchronized 'homies' ... There are probably synchronized swimmers out there that think their sport is unfairly lambasted -- that they're just one long running joke started by Martin Short in a classic 'SNL' skit. But how do you expect to be respected when you get banned from wearing suits with lights on them, and then follow it up with a 'gangsta' encore. Tone down the makeup five shades, invest in a can of hair spray instead of hair gel, and most importantly, stop looking so freaky ... then maybe people will respect the skills behind the show. Then again, maybe it won't truly be 'synchronized swimming' if that happened. Kind of like Dennis Rodman without dyed hair, tattoos and piercings.

Ara Abrahamian doesn't need your stinking medal ... More judging controversy, and more hilarity ensues. Abrahamian left the podium immediately after receiving the bronze medal, then placed it down as if he was saying, "Pick this piece of crap up." Then it turns out that Abrahamian actually had a right to be angry, according to the Court of Arbitration for Sport --- his penalty wasn't assessed until after the round. One thing is for sure: they're definitely recycling that medal and giving it to the trap shooters.

Meet Rohullah Nikpai, the hero of Afghanistan ... Eight medals will be worth countless endorsements for Phelps, but the Afghan taekwondo bronze winner is the proud recipient of ... get this ... a new house, a Toyota sedan, and $20,000 from the owner of the country's main cellphone network. That's what you get for being the first Afghan ever to win an Olympic medal. Let's face it... legendary US swimmer Matt Biondi could walk the streets without anyone recognizing him now. But Nikpai will be swamped with love and adulation for a single bronze. And we're here quibbling about China beating us in gold count?

Germany's Thomasz Wylenzek faints in his canoe
... and in a completely unrelated incident ...
Japan's Kobayashi Hiromi faints in the pool ... Wylenzek and his teammate Christian Gille really knew what it took to get me turned on to canoes. Fainting! In the process of winning the silver medal in the double 1,000-meter final, they crashed into a buoy and Wylenzek took a dip. He turned out to be OK, but days later, a synchronized swimmer followed suit. Hiromi hyperventilated as Japan's synchronized routine ended, and the other team members climbed out of the pool more concerned about their scores. The press officer's response? "She is a very nervous athlete," he said. "She is good. Don't worry." Thanks guy. As if the sight of the wacky routine wasn't off-putting enough.

You want human rights? How about the right to wear adult diapers while buried under boxes? ... I'm a big fan of filmmaker Zhang Yimou's work. 'House of Flying Daggers' was great stuff. Performers being forced to wear adult diapers for his crafted opening ceremony is a far cry from flying daggers. Especially when it involved nearly 900 performers under 40-pound boxes for at least six hours. But hey, the Chinese invention of movable type, that involved "suffering and sacrifice" too, right?

Something called 'Dressage' will be back, but Jennie Finch will not ... So, let me get this straight. A 'sport' that involves people wearing silly top hats and suits while training horses will stick in the Olympics. But flamethrower Jennie Finch and USA softball will never be back? I wonder how NBC did on ratings and Web site searches for dressage results compared to Finch. Let's get rid of dressage and bring back softball. At least there's no mess over judges for the women.

Chinese cheerleaders have a future in sporting events ... For the most part, there was way, way too much volleyball. Yet not enough of the cheerleaders who deserved a gold medal of their own (bringing the mighty total to 52!). The rainy final was interesting to say the least, and it wasn't because Misty-May Treanor and Kerri Walsh exchanged high fives every two seconds.

Handball is an Olympic sport? Bring it on. ... Right. So we got the endless hours of beach volleyball, swimming, and even diving from NBC's masterminds. But where was handball on prime-time display? That and BMX were two of the underrated events that deserved more coverage. They involve blood, crashes, and as the legendary 'Razor Ramon' would say, "oozing machismo" ...


Tajikistan's Dzhakhon Kurbanov bites his opponent, citizens of Kazakhstan collectively scoff at him ... I definitely think this was Mike Tyson's vicarious revenge for not getting to represent US boxing in the 1984 Summer Olympics. Maybe he coached Kurbanov on the side? The harder part of watching the bizarre infraction and subsequent disqualification was seeing them try to announce that Kazakhstan's Yerkebulan Shynaliyev won the bout.

Kim Jong Su, a sport shooter, gets booted for doping. And even horses banned too! ... We learned that the Olympics are not safe from drugs, even in the most mind-boggling scenarios. Using propanolol to pick up medals in shooting? The only thing more pathetic than that is being a team jumping horse that was suspended for a banned pain reliever. And not just any pain reliever. We're talking about Capsaicin, a derivative of chili peppers. And not just one horse -- four horses.

And that's my Sweet 16 of Beijing. I'm going to slip into a sleep coma now and dream of being struck by a javelin from Franco. Feel free to share some Olympic memories of your own with me at ThomasHerrera07 [at] aol.com.

 

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